Signs

Standing at the storefront in the rain next to Thom, I handed Sarafina’s leash to him, as I told him, “You know I have to go in here.” Stepping through the door, I was surrounded in rich colors and fantastic patterns, clothing that sparks my imagination and appeals to my funky and free style.

I moved slowly through the store, soaking up the textures of the materials through my fingertips, forgetting that Thom was waiting outside with our puppy. I was aware that I was the only person in the store besides the person at the counter. As I got closer to him, I commented on how much I appreciated the store and expressed my wish to be able to dress in clothing like this every day. He responded that he heard this sentiment from many of the people who came into the store.

As I continued to meander through the fabrics and designs, we engaged in casual conversation. Some may not think the conversation was casual, but as a mother to a son on the Otherside, whose birthday it was that day, it was casual. He shared that the store is his mom’s and that he made the decision to move from Colorado to Bandon to help his mom. He was knowledgeable about the merchandise, and the extent that his mother went to in bringing this store’s products to this location. I remarked that just being in the store, I know I would like his mom, that she must be just magical. He said, “That’s a good description of her – yes she is.”

Trying to choose one thing, or a couple of things, I was overwhelmed. It took me back to a shopping trip that we took with Blake to Woodburn Factory Outlet. I told my new friend about this, how I saw these shoes, grey high-tops that were adorned with silver studs and chains, designed by a daughter of one of the rappers from Run DMC. I tried them on and walked around the store in them. I loved them, but they were pretty impractical and kind of expensive. They surely weren’t shoes that I would wear on the daily and probably not even monthly. So, I left them at the store. When we were putting our purchased items in the car, Blake stopped and looked at me, kind of accusatorily. “Mom, where are your shoes!?!” I told him that I decided not to get them, that I didn’t need them. He said, “Mom, you love those shoes. You need to go back and get them.” And I did. And I am so so glad that I did. I have this memory of him recognizing how much I loved something – some thing – that he knew I wanted, and because of that, he wanted it for me, even more than I wanted it for myself.

I told my new friend that it was my firstborn son’s birthday and that he was on the Otherside. I told him that he would tell me I could pick whatever I wanted. I could feel that. It was not just some excuse to go crazy in this store, which I didn’t. It was a message of gratitude from him. But there was this dress, this flowy purple and blue dress of creamy fabric and so much free spirit style that it nearly sashayed itself right off the hanger and across the floor. The blue and purple are significant because sapphire and amethyst are mine and Blake’s birthstones.

I didn’t buy the dress. The price tag was heavy, and it wasn’t really practical. It wasn’t a need. I told my new friend I would think about it and come back the next day if I decided to buy it. We parted ways.

That night, as Thom and I were enjoying our Happy Birthday Tribute to Blake Sushi Dinner, I was thinking about the day. There were really no signs. I’m especially aware of and open to signs on days like this. We planned to enjoy meals that Blake would enjoy, and really, with very little open for a weekday breakfast where we were, it was a sign that we found some really good chicken fried steak that morning.

There were no orbs though, no coins on the ground, no messages sent through technology. These are the signs that I’ve been most familiar with, although I am aware of deeper signs. The deeper ones though, might be missed if I’m not paying attention. I no longer believe in coincidence.

Then I realized that the biggest sign, the most beautiful sign, was this interaction with this person, who before I walked into The Spirit of Oregon in Old Town Bandon, I had not spoken with. This person shared the extent to which he was willing to go for his mother; he shared the love that he has for his mother. I knew – that was my sign.

I went back the next day and tried on and bought the dress. It makes me feel ‘magickal.’ Feeling magickal is practical and necessary and love. I told this person – his name is Jack – the name of my paternal grandpa – that before Blake passed, I didn’t think about the afterlife, but since his passing, I think about it often. I intentionally read about and talk about signs. I told him that he was the messenger of the sign that I received on Blake’s birthday, and I thanked him for sharing the love that he has for his mom with me. He told me that he was glad that he shared with me, and he provided a little more of the backstory. When you know, you cannot unknow, and I know – Blake took me to that shop on his birthday, and he blessed me with this message and this magickal dress. From Jack’s compassion and openness to my gratitude, which I realize might seem over the top to many, I believe he may have needed to hear the story of Blake just as much as I needed to hear the story of his mom.

Here I am with my dress, feeling magickal!